Imtithaal

The Prohibition of Unfounded Suspicion

Allah the Exalted forbids His faithful servants from being suspicious, which includes having doubts and suspicions about the conduct of one's family, relatives and other people in general. Therefore, Muslims are to avoid suspicion without foundation. The Leader of the faithful `Umar bin Al-Khattab said, "Never think ill of the word that comes out of your believing brother's mouth, as long as you can find a good excuse for it.'' Malik recorded that Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said that Allah's Messenger said,

«إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنَّ فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيثِ، وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا تَحَسَّسُوا، وَلَا تَنَافَسُوا وَلَا تَحَاسَدُوا، وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللهِ إِخْوَانًا»

(Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; do not spy on one another; do not look for other's faults; do not be jealous of one another; do not envy one another; do not hate one another; and do not desert (shun) one another. And O Allah's servants! Be brothers!) The Two Sahihs and Abu Dawud recorded this Hadith. Anas said that the Messenger of Allah said,

«لَا تَقَاطَعُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَحَاسَدُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللهِ إِخْوَانًا، وَلَا يَحِلُّ لِمُسْلِمٍ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلَاثَةِ أَيَّام»

(Do not shun each other; do not ignore one another; do not hate one another, and do not envy one another, and be brothers, O servants of Allah. No Muslim is allowed to shun his brother for more than three days.) Muslim and At-Tirmidhi collected this Hadith, who considered it Sahih. Allah said,

[وَلاَ تَجَسَّسُواْ]

(And spy not), on each other. Tajassus, usually harbors ill intentions, and the spy is called a Jasus. As for Tahassus (inquiring) it is usually done for a good reason. Allah the Exalted and Most Honored said that Prophet Ya`qub said,

[يبَنِىَّ اذْهَبُواْ فَتَحَسَّسُواْ مِن يُوسُفَ وَأَخِيهِ وَلاَ تَايْـَسُواْ مِن رَّوْحِ اللَّهِ]

("O my sons! Go you and inquire (Tahassasu) about Yusuf and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah's mercy.'') (12:87) Both of these terms, `Tajassus' and `Tahassus' could have evil connotations. In the Sahih it is recorded that the Messenger of Allah said,

«لَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا تَحَسَّسُوا، وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا وَلَا تَدَابَرُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللهِ إِخْوَانًا»

(Neither commit Tajassus nor Tahassus nor hate each other nor commit Tadabur. And be brothers, O servants of Allah.) Al-Awza`i said, "Tajassus means, to search for something, while Tahassus means, listening to people when they are talking without their permission, or eavesdropping at their doors. Tadabur refers to shunning each other. '' Ibn Abi Hatim recorded this statement. Allah the Exalted said about backbiting;

[وَلاَ يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضاً]

(neither backbite one another), thus prohibiting it, which was explained in a Hadith collected by Abu Dawud that Abu Hurayrah said, "It was asked, `O Allah's Messenger! What is backbiting' He said,

«ذِكْرُكَ أَخَاكَ بِمَا يَكْرَه»

(Mentioning about your brother in a manner that he dislikes.) He was asked, `What if my brother was as I mentioned' He said,

«إِنْ كَانَ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدِ اغْتَبْتَهُ، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهِ مَا تَقُولُ فَقَدْ بَهَتَّه»

(If he was as you mentioned, you will have committed backbiting. But if he was not as you say about him, you will have falsely accused him.)'' At-Tirmidhi collected this Hadith and said "Hasan Sahih.'' Backbiting was sternly warned against, and this is why Allah the Exalted and Most Blessed compared it to eating the flesh of a dead human being,

[أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتاً فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ]

(Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother You would hate it.) Just as you hate eating the flesh of a dead person, on account of your nature; so hate backbiting, on account of your religion. The latter carries a punishment that is worse than the former. This Ayah seeks to discourage people from backbiting and warns against it. The Prophet used these words to discourage taking back a gift that one gives to someone,

«كَالْكَلْبِ يَقِيءُ ثُمَّ يَرْجِعُ فِي قَيْئِه»

(He is just like the dog that eats its vomit.) after saying,

«لَيْسَ لَنَا مَثَلُ السَّوْء»

(Ours is not an evil parable.) Using various chains of narration, the Sahihs and Musnads record that the Prophet said during the Farewell Hajj:

«إِنَّ دِمَاءَكُمْ وَأَمْوَالَكُمْ وَأَعْرَاضَكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَرَامٌ كَحُرْمَةِ يَوْمِكُمْ هذَا، فِي شَهْرِكُمْ هذَا، فِي بَلَدِكُمْ هذَا»

(Verily, your blood, wealth and honor are as sacred among you as the sanctity of this day of yours, in this month of yours, in this town of yours.) Abu Dawud recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Messenger of Allah said,

«كُلُّ الْمُسْلِمِ عَلَى الْمُسْلِمِ حَرَامٌ مَالُهُ وَعِرْضُهُ وَدَمُهُ، حَسْبُ امْرِىءٍ مِنَ الشَّرِّ أَنْ يَحْقِرَ أَخَاهُ الْمُسْلِم»

(All of the Muslim is sacred to the Muslim, his wealth, honor and his blood. It is evil enough for someone to belittle his Muslim brother.) At-Tirmidhi collected this Hadith and said "Hasan Gharib.'' Al-Hafiz Abu Ya`la recorded that a cousin of Abu Hurayrah said, "Ma`iz came to the Messenger of Allah and said, `O Allah's Messenger! I have committed adultery,' and the Messenger turned away from him until Ma`iz repeated his statement four times. The fifth time, the Prophet asked him,

«زَنَيْتَ؟»

(Have you committed adultery؟) Ma0 iz said, Yes. The Prophet asked,

«وَتَدْرِي مَا الزِّنَا؟»

(Do you know what adultery means) Ma`iz said, `Yes. I have illegally done with her what a husband legally does with his wife.' The Prophet said,

«مَا تُرِيدُ إِلَى هذَا الْقَوْلِ؟»

(What do you seek to accomplish by this statement) Ma`iz said, `I intend that you purify me.' The Prophet asked,

«أَدْخَلْتَ ذلِكَ مِنْكَ فِي ذلِكَ مِنْهَا كَمَا يَغِيبُ الْمِيلُ فِي الْمُكْحُلَةِ وَالرِّشَا فِي الْبِئْرِ؟»

(Have you gone into her just as the stick goes into the kohl container and the rope goes into the well) Ma`iz said, `Yes, O Allah's Messenger!' The Prophet commanded that Ma`iz be stoned to death and his order was carried out. The Prophet heard two men saying to one another, `Have you not seen the man who had Allah cover his secret, but his heart could not let him rest until he was stoned to death, just as the dog is stoned' The Prophet continued on and when he passed by the corpse of a donkey, he asked,

«أَيْنَ فُلَانٌ وَفُلَانٌ؟ انْزِلَا فَكُلَا مِنْ جِيفَةِ هذَا الْحِمَار»

(Where are so-and-so Dismount and eat from this donkey.) They said, `May Allah forgive you, O Allah's Messenger! Would anyone eat this meat' The Prophet said;

«فَمَا نِلْتُمَا مِنْ أَخِيكُمَا آنِفًا أَشَدُّ أَكْلًا مِنْهُ، وَالَّذِي نَفْسِي بِيَدِهِ إِنَّهُ الْانَ لَفِي أَنْهَارِ الْجَنَّةِ يَنْغَمِسُ فِيهَا»

(The backbiting you committed against your brother is worse as a meal than this meal. By He in Whose Hand is my soul! He is now swimming in the rivers of Paradise.)'' This Hadith has an authentic chain of narration. Imam Ahmad recorded that Jabir bin `Abdullah said, "We were with the Messenger of Allah when a rotten odor was carried by the wind. The Messenger of Allah said,

«أَتَدْرُونَ مَا هذِهِ الرِّيحُ؟ هَذِهِ رِيحُ الَّذِينَ يَغْتَابُونَ النَّاس»

(Do you know what this odor is It is the odor of those who backbite people.)''

We all know that in some way or the other , we are guilty of this sin. We either do it (may Allah forgive us) as it is as easy as talking about the physical features of a person that he dislikes, or we have entertained this evil speech. I pray that Allah places great dislike for this sin in our hearts and give us the srtength to stop this action when we are in the midst of it. Ameen.

We should also take the next step which is to repent for this sin:

Accepted Repentance from Backbiting and Slander

Allah the Exalted and Most Honored said,

[وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ]

(And have Taqwa of Allah), that is, regarding what He has commanded you and forbidden for you. Fear Him and beware of Him,

[إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ]

(Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful.) He forgives those who repent to Him, is merciful with those who go back to Him and trust in Him. The majority of scholars have stated that repentance for committing the sin of backbiting is that one refrains from backbiting intending not to repeat it again. There is a difference of opinion if whether feeling remorse is required in this case, and also if one should apologize to those who he has backbitten. Some scholars stated that it is not necessary for one to ask those whom he has backbitten to forgive him, because if they knew what was said about them, they could be hurt more than if they were not told about it. It is better, they said, that one should praise those whom he has backbitten in audiences in which he has committed the act. It is also better if one defends the injured party against any further backbiting, as much as one can, as recompense for his earlier backbiting.

[يأَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَـكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنْثَى وَجَعَلْنَـكُمْ شُعُوباً وَقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَـرَفُواْ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عَندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَـكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ ]

 O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes that you may know one another. Verily, the most honorable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa. Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware

 Tafseer Ibn Katheer.

Another of the characteristics of the intelligent Muslim woman is that she does not describe any of her (female) friends or acquaintances to him, because this is forbidden according to the words of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“No woman should talk about another woman, or describe her to her husband (so that it is) as if he sees her.”

Islam wants people’s hearts to be at peace, and to put a stop to provocative thoughts and overactive imaginations, so that people may live their lives in a decent and calm fashion, free from such thoughts and able to go about the tasks and duties for which they were created. No man should let his mind be occupied with cheap thoughts of the contrast between his wife and the woman she describes, or let himself become crazy with the embellishments his own imagination may add to the woman’s supposed beauty. He should not let such foolish talk stop him from going about his work and usual pastimes, or lead him to temptation and make him go astray.

The true Muslim woman avoids looking at men other than her husband; she does not stare at men who are not related to her (i.e. who are not her mahrams), in obedience to the command of Allah :

( And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze . . .) (Qur’an 24:31). 

By refraining from looking at other men, she will be one of those chaste women who restrain their glances, which is a quality men like in women, because it is indicative of their purity, decency and fidelity.

The successful wife is fair minded and never ungrateful to any person, because the teachings of her religion protect her from falling into the error of bad behavior and ingratitude for favors. How then could she be ungrateful to her husband, her beloved lifelong companion? She knows well the teaching of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“He does not thank Allah who does not thank people.”

She understands from this that every person who does good deeds and favors deserves thanks and recognition, so how could she hesitate or fail to show gratitude to her husband, especially when she hears the words of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):

“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will not look at the woman who does not thank her husband at the time when she cannot do without him.”

One of the qualities of the good Muslim wife is that she helps her husband to obey Allah in different ways, especially to stay up and pray at night (qiyam al-layl). By doing this, she does him an immense favor, because she reminds him to do something he might otherwise forget or neglect. Thus she causes him, and herself, to be covered by the mercy of Allah.

What a beautiful picture the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) drew of the married couple helping one another to obey Allah and do good deeds, and entering into the mercy of Allah together. This comes in the hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu anhu), who said:

“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”
 

Honoring and respecting one’s husband is one of the characteristic attitudes of the muslim wife.One of the most famous and most beautiful of these texts was recorded by ‘Abd al-Malik ibn ‘Umayr al-Qurashi, who was one of the outstanding scholars of the second century AH. He quotes the words of advice given by Umamah bint al-Harith, one of the most eloquent and learned women, who was possessed of wisdom and great maturity, to her daughter on the eve of her marriage. These beautiful words deserve to be inscribed in golden ink.

‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.’” 

She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.

This advice clearly included everything that one could think of as regards the good manners that a young girl needs to know about in order to treat her husband properly and be a suitable companion for him. The words of this wise mother deserve to be taken as the standard for every young girl who is about to get married.

May Allah give all women the ability to ahdere to these advices and may He grant us successful marriages.

Ameen.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Hope everyone's fine. Alhamdulillah I am ok, just sharing a few words with you all Inshallah. 

A sister sent me a text message this week asking me to give her some guidelines on how to go about getting married as she was supposed to meet a brother that day. She wanted to know what to look for and what to ask him. It's something that all of us will face Inshallah.

As humans, we all seek some form of companionship and comfort from the opposite sex. In Islaam this is made permissable by marriage. We all look forward to a life of peace in marriage with all the benefits it's supposed to have. However many of us just think of marriage as " we're both attracted to one another so let's do it". The sad reality is , it doesn't work like that as seen in the divorce statistics. As muslims we have a perfect way and we must stick to it in order to gain success in all aspects of our life and this includes marriage. Here are a few guidelines for marriage which we all should implement Inshallah.

Firstly the house of the Muslim should be the house of Imaan and Taqwa thus it should be based on Deen, therefore one must choose one who has Deen. This is known by questioning about the deen since one must be sure and not just hurry into things. This means asking about his/ her character such as trustworthiness (which is not know by merely looking at the person) .This will include other general questions such as:What is his/her day like? Where does he/ she study or gain knowledge from?  How long has he/she been muslim (if they have reverted)? What type of people does he/ she mix with? How is his or her salaah established ? (meaning in Jama'ah for males, how hoes he /she find the Fajr salaah, is it a task? What about Tahajjud) (i remember asking a brother about that and he responded as though he didn't know what the word meant, Allahu Musta'aan). These questions just to name a few.

Basically everyone has a history as Shaykh Muhammad Al Anjaree said and this is not just a matter of one or two years , but one should look at the life of the potential spouse. This is upon the Wali to make sure of these affairs.

Secondly, the both parties must perform Istikhara. They must both turn to Allah with sincerity, and keep in mind the fact that the marriage wil only occur if Allah wants it to and that all trust must be put in Him.One should also seek the advice of trustworthy people on their decision.Most importantly their parents. Never accept that the brother or sister proposes to you directly. It is a form o fdisrespect to you and your parents as well it a great indication of the character of the person and the deen. This happens alot because of the influences of the society. But sisters especially , PLEASE don't fall for this, and don't allow the brothers to coax you into keeping it a big secret months before they acquire the courage to face your parents. Some sisters are also guilty of not allowing the brothers to meet their parents,this is incorrect but it is no excuse for the brother to contact her. The advice of the parents should be accepted even though it is against your desire. This doesn't refer to the when they disagree for reasons that are not accepted by the Shariah. There are certain means by which this can be taken care of please follow the correct steps Inshallah.

Then when one is sure about the person and Allah blesses them with marriage, each must realize that he/she has rights and responsibilities which should be fulfilled. One should also try to respect one another and maintain the ties of closeness and love that Allah will place in the hearts. Both must ensure that the house is kept lively with the remebrance of Allah, qiyaamul layl, Quran , Hadeeth etc. Stick to lots of patience ,dua and Tawwakul.

So Inshallah I pray that Allah gives us all the Tawfeeq to practice His deen as He sent it to us. May Allah grant us all the bliss of a successful marriage Ameen.

 Abu Haatim, may Allaah be pleased with him, said:

Al Muntasir ibn Bilaal al Ansaaree recited (this poem) to me:

How many a friend displays affection with his tongue,

but is deceitful in my absence and is not regretful.

He unwillingly amuses me so I may love him,

but his words in my absence strike me like arrows.

Haatim, may Allaah be pleased with him, said:

 A man from Khuzaa'ah recited to Muhammad ibn Khalaf at Taymee, who recited to Muhammad ibnul Mundhir, who recited to me:

My brother is not the one who shows his love for me verbally,

but my brother is he who shows love for me during hardships.

He whose wealth is mine if I had none,

as my wealth is his if he were in need

So do not praise a friend during times of ease,

for he may forfeit his friendship during hardships.

He is only: 'How are you', and 'welcome’,

but with his wealth is as evasive as a fox.

Muhammad ibnul Hussain ibn Qutaybah in 'Asqalaan informed me that Ibraheem al Hawraani…on the authority of Sahl who said that the Messenger of Allaah said:

"There is no good in a companion who does not observe the same rights towards you as you observe towards him."

Regarding his statement,

Is this hadîth specific only to the believers (Mu‘minîn) or (is it specific only to the) unbelievers (Kufâr)? If we were to say that it is specific for the Believers then (is not) our statement trivial considering (the fact that) the believers shall enter al-Jannah (Paradise) due to their Imân . If, on the other hand, we were to say that the hadîth is specific for the unbelievers then what is the relevance of the statement (since it is already known that the unbelievers shall not gain admission to al-Jannah)?

He (rahimahullah) answered: (Another) authentically reported wording of (this particular version of the) Hadîth is,

Kibr that openly opposes and negates Imân results in the banishment of its possessor from entering al-Jannah as is found in His (Allâh, the Most High) statement:

This is the Kibr of Iblîs (the Devil), Pharaoh and all the others who possessed Kibr that invalidated Imân . This is also the Kibr that the Jews possess and those whom Allâh has described to us by saying:

Al-Kibr, in its entirety, openly opposes the essentials of al-Imân. As such he who has an iota of Kibr in his heart shall not act upon that which Allâh has prescribed, nor shall he abstain from that which Allâh has prohibited. Instead his Kibr shall result in his disavowal and rejection of the Haqq (Truth) and instill in him contempt of others. This, precisely, is the explanatory definition of al-Kibr provide by an-Nabi as is found in the complete version of the initial Hadîth

He was (then asked), “[But] O Messenger of Allâh ! A man likes to have fine clothing and footwear. Is this included in Kibr?” He responded,

The statement Battarul-Haqq denotes distain and rejection of the Truth, while wâ ghâmttun-nâs implies contempt and condescension of others from amongst mankind.

Therefore the one who possesses half of a mustard seed of it (Kibr) rejects the Truth that he was ordered to accept and act upon. At the same time, the Kibr instills in him a sense of condescension that inculcates in the individual an oppressive demeanor producing transgression over the rights of others.